I think have been a pretty good dad. Maybe some day I'll share a post about 10 Ways I CRUSHED IT as a Worship-Pastor Dad. But for today, I'd really like some of you who are still parenting children in your home to learn from my mistakes. My regrets. So let me steady myself for the beating you're about to give me in your mind as you read... Ok. I'm ready.
10 Ways I Blew it As a Worship Pastor-Dad (in no particular order):
Self care - I regret that I didn’t take care of myself. I was morbidly obese and largely inactive. The consequences of that ranged from as minor as... not being able to ride a roller coaster with my girls to as major as... poorly modeling what it looks like to be a healthy human.
Modeling time with Jesus every day - I wish y daughters would have “caught” me with my Bible open or my head bowed. I spent time with Jesus more days than not--most years. But seldom in front of them.
I was afraid of my kids - this may only apply to us people pleasers, but I really struggled with push back. There were often times when I would hold back what I felt was right because I was afraid our girls wouldn't like me. Wouldn't want to be with me. For a few months, for example, I would use an EXPO marker to write verses of scripture about our identity in Christ on their bathroom mirror. They thought it was dumb. I stopped.
Family devotionals / Scripture conversations and memorization - In my head this was always too grand, too complicated. In reality it could’ve been so simple. Share a thought I'd read that day in the Bible or in a book. Asking my sweet bride or our daughters what they had noticed about God that day. We could have had a memory verse for each week and repeated it when we ate together. I was overwhelmed at the the thought of doing something complicated.
Praying for them daily. About their future. For theIr husbands to be. I did pray. I still do. I wish I’d prayed more and more specifically.
Too much surviving the moments; not enough thinking long term. - This may be a byproduct of aging, but when I was younger, which means when our girls were little, I often just wanted to get through the day, the project, the event, or the weekend. I wish I knew then what I’ve learned in the last few years from Orange. We get 936 weeks. That’s it. Big picture first.
Money management - I said yes way too often, but more than that, I said yes without consulting the Father. I wish we'd prayed about our finances, prayerfully prepared a budget. And I wish we'd included our daughters in those conversations early on.
Loving their mom insufficiently - This deserves to be a book instead of a tiny chunk of a blog. I so wish I’d loved Jackie better. Moment by moment. Hour by hour. Week by week. Season by season. Year by year. In big ways, and in small ways. In faithfulness with my eyes. If I loved Jackie in the first 8 years of their lives as much—as well as—I have the last 8 years of our lives, I’d have been a better dad. The best thing a parent can do for their child, at least when it comes to teaching them about relationships, is to love their spouse well.
Talked about church more than Jesus - this sort of makes sense. I work at a church. Jesus does stuff at church. But I wish I’d done better at making our lives more about Jesus and keeping the distinction clear between the Bride and the Bridegroom.
Going to bed late and sleeping late - this is where it all could have started. I wish I’d started going to bed EVEN WHEN I WAS A CERTIFIED NIGHT OWL—at 9.30 and getting up at 5.30. The time I’ve had by myself in the early morning in recent months has been amazing. So much of what I already talked about might have been different if I’d been the first one up by an hour every day.
So that's my top 10. (There are more, but I can only take so much of a beating!) I'm curious, is there one you'd share too? Let's help young parents to better than we did!
