Have you ever asked someone an innocent question and they responded as if you had accused them of a reprehensible crime? Yeah... me either.
Ever been on the other side of that? Someone asks you a simple question but you receive it as an accusation. Nope. Not me.
Okay, seriously. These happen to me a lot. Both of them. I'll ask someone a question with no agenda, but because--it seems--they feel accused, the conversation goes wonky.
Or someone will ask me a question out of curiosity, but my defenses flair up and I am ready to go to battle over my answer... which is usually not worth fighting about! I'm not sure about you, but I come up against this in family life more than anywhere. All parts of family--nuclear, extended, step--in all kinds of situations.
So... more than a decade ago I was leading a worship ministry in a small church near a large university. A student was playing guitar in our band and asked me a question about why we were doing the classic worship song "Lord, I Lift Your Name on High" in a variety of musical styles--as in original, reggae, funky, then slow and sweet. I immediately felt attacked. My face flushed. My voice went up in pitch. And after I answered--thankfully--he just said, "Wow, that's cool. I knew you'd have a good reason; I was just curious." I'd felt accused, but he was just curious.
It is not an overstatement to say that I hate this dynamic.
Hate. It.
For a long time now I've been pondering where this comes from. Why do I feel attacked when I'm simply being questioned? And why do others respond that way to me at times?
It's simple, really.
Jesus vs. Satan.
Seriously. It's in their very names!
Jesus means "the Savior" or "the deliverer."
Satan means "the accuser."
When we encounter others as "Christ in us" (Col 1:27 | Gal 2:20), we experience safety and hope. But when we perceive others as "wolf in sheep's clothing" (Mt 7:15), we experience threat and fear.
Perfect love casts out fear. (1 Jn 4:18)
And there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. (Rom 8:1)
What if we told ourselves and one another these truths often? How would our relationships change? How could our questions take on new life and possibilities?
Of course--and I don't want to be a Donny-downer here--this means when we ask questions we need to check our attitudes first. Let's not ask with an agenda but with a curiosity. And if we need to have a conversation where someone may be on a path of destruction, let's not hide confrontation is "hidden agenda" questions. Jesus doesn't have hidden agendas; Satan does.
One brings death. The other brings life.
Join me in life-giving questions!